What Kind Of Girls Do You Like – The Awl

WhatKindOfGirlsDoYou?

Like?

byEstherC?

Werdiger

It’sNovember。

NiceGirlhasflownouttoL。

A。

tovisithercousin,who’sjusthadanewbaby。

They’rewalkingalongSantaMonicapierwhenhercousin?

—?

who,asithappens,isalsonamedMonica?

—?

says,“Oh,youlooksobeautifulinthislight。

Letmetakeaphoto?

”NiceGirlbeamsandfaceshercousin,herbodyslightlyturnedtotheside,revealingthegentlecurveofherbreast。

“Whatareyoudoing?

”saysMonica,loweringherSamsungGalaxy。

“Oh!

”exclaimsNiceGirl,asshequicklyrepositionsherself,turningaroundtolookatthecamerafromoverhershoulder。

Hersmileiswide,herwhiteteethshow,butifyouviewthephotoinfullscreenonFacebook,youcanseeashardofglimmeringpanicinherbrown?

eyes。

***

It’sNaughtyGirl’s92ndbirthday,andthehomeismakingabigdealaboutit。

HappyBirthdayNaughtyGirlYou’veStillGotIt,readsthebakery-orderedcake。

She’swearingashimmerylipglossthatEugeniehelpedherputonbeforewheelingherouttotheActivitiesRoom。

Eugenie,andTrisha,anothernurse,helphertoblowouthercandles。

EveryonesingsandNaughtyGirlcloseshereyes,navigatingtheabruptlyvisitingmemoryofoneparticularbirthday。

32?

34?

Thecoolbathroomfloor,theexhaustedreliefofbeingpost-puke,momentsafterwholeheartedlywishingshewasdead。

Thefeelingofcompletealoneness。

Thecalmlyacceptedfactthatshewouldbe,forever,becauseshewasjustthatsortofgirl。

Buttwobirthdayslater,shebecomesamothertoJustine。

Justine’sfatherisNaughtyGirl’sboss,andheisalsomarriedtoasadwomannamedLynne。

18monthslater,givesbirthagain,toLucy。

Bythistime,NaughtyGirlismarriedtothefatherofhergirls,andLynneisdead,havingdrivenoffabridgeuponbeinginformedofthesecondpregnancy。

Sheopenshereyesandthecandlesareout。

Smiling,Eugeniehandsherastackof3magazines,tiedwitharedribbon。

AtthetopisaCosmo。

ShewondersifJustine,nowabusyanddifficultwoman,willmanagetovisittoday。

LucywasaNiceGirl,butshewasgone?

—?

killedinanelectricalfireatasoupkitchen,oneterribledayinSeattle。

Therearealsotwostepchildren,buttheyhate?

her。

***

It’searlyonaFridayeveningandNiceGirlisintheladies’roomatherwork,withhercolleagueMandy,whoworksinthenextcubicle。

TheyliketoIMeachotherfunnyfailvideosandDowntonAbbeyGIFswhenthey’renotbusyworking。

They’reputtingonsomemakeupbeforemeetingafewfriendsdowntownfordinneranddrinks。

Mandystandswithherfacerightatthemirror,addingasecondlayerofmascara,asNiceGirladdsasmudgeofblackeyelinertoherlids。

“Hey,checkthisout,”shesays,quicklyliningtheentireinnerrimofhereyeswiththeblackpencil。

ShelooksatMandy,hermouthclosedandslightlypuckered。

“Shit,”says?

Mandy。

***

“Oh,Ilovedthisrecord,”musesNaughtyGirl,inherhuskyvoice,flippingthrougholdcompactdiscsattheusedrecordstore。

It’sBlur,theBlurrecord。

“Ha,wow,”saysNiceGirl,whoisstandingnearby,alreadyholdingherpurchaseoftheday,Oasis’(What’sTheStory)MorningGlory?

“Blastfromthepast。

”She’ssuddenlyvisitedbyavividmemory;bakingmuffinswithherbestfriend,“Song2”playingloudlyastheydancedaroundthekitchen,singingwoohoointowoodenspoons。

ShereachesfortherecordinNaughtyGirl’shand,herweteyesfullofsilentapology。

Atexactlythesametime,NaughtyGirlisvisitedbyanequallyvividmemory;watchingmusicvideosaloneatherboyfriend’srichstepfather’shouse,andOasisonthetelevision。

ThememoryofNoelGallagher’sheavy,boredgazeslapsherintheface。

Shegasps,andherhandreachesout。

Nothingmakessense,andanactualalarm?

sounds。

***

It’s7p。

m。

onaworknightandNiceGirlisatthedrugstorepickingupsomebasics。

ShestrollsdownAisle6,headingtowardsherpreferredbrandofsanitarynapkins。

Butsomethingsittingafewshelvesawaycatcheshereye。

Asmallboxoftampons,printedinahotpinkandblackleopardpattern。

Withahandonherhip,theNiceGirlcocksherheadtothesideandreachesforthebox。

Assheholdsitgingerlyandscansthetext,ayoungmanwithspikyhairwalkspast。

Shecatcheshisnarrowedeye,andhegivesheralustylook。

“No!

”shecries,shakingherhead。

“No!

I’m…I’maNiceGirl!

I’ma…”butit’stoolate。

He’salreadyreachedtheendoftheaisle,andnowhe’soutofsight。

Hersmall,TwinPeaksPoliceDepartmentReceptionistvoicetrailsoff。

Sheputstheboxbackandlocatesherusualpads,thensomePepsiMax,beforeheadingtothecheckout。

Whileshewaitsinline,shechecksthetimeinSeoul,whereherboyfriendJeffteachesEnglish。

Shecancallhimat8,whenhehasrecessfor15?

minutes。

***

Fornogoodreason,NaughtyGirldecidestoditchschooloneday。

Shehitchesaridehomeonthebackofsomeman’smotorbike。

Sheletsherselfintoherfamily’squiethouse,goesupstairstoherroom,andfindsapileoffoldedlaundryattheedgeofherbed。

Atopthepileisawhitetanktop,screenprintedwithafadedfloraldesign。

Sheholdsittightly,andinhalesdeeplythroughhernose。

“THIS,”shestarts,clenchingherfirst,“ISNOT,”shecontinues,raisingherarmoverherhead,“MIIIINE!

”shescreams,hurlingthetanktopoutherbedroomdoor,acrossthehallway,intothecleanandbreezyroomofheryoungersister,NiceGirl。

Infuriatingly,itlandswithoutasound,atthefootofalarge,framedBreakfastAtTiffany’sposter,likeanoffering。

Likealotofpeople,NiceGirleasilyforgetsthatHollyGolightlywasaprostitute。

AndthatBreakfastAtTiffany’swasaterriblefilm。

AlthoughthisfinaldetailisonlyrelevanttoAlternativeGirl,whopreferstheDivaCup,andwhoseroomisfurtherdownthehall。

PreviouslyinStoryTime:BradAndAngieGoToMeetTheAfricanPeeGeneratorGirls

EstherWerdigermovestoNewYorknextweek,andusuallywritescomicsatThe?


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